Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
