I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
