he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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