somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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