he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize