U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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