he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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