dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
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sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize