im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
zippers are such a cool invention
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
