she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
