if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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