I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
