Everything about him screamed your future.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
