if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
