Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
