Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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