found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
