just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
