So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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