I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
