Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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