There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
