why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
