I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
