Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
