Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
