after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
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Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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