if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
