I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
