Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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