you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She swung at the pinata with crutches
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
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Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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