If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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