Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
