just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
