Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
