When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
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Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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