I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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