he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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