Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
