let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
