I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
