His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
