Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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