it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
