I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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