pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
