AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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