I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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