lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
