Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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