Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
