Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
