I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
