I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
