So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
