It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
