i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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