wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
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The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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