you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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