GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize