I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
