dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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