This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
