sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
