Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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