I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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