I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
