I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
